Updated on August 20, 2024
Depression is a very serious and complex mental health condition that causes major changes in people’s lives. It may seem far-fetched, but a lot of people are dealing with it. And if someone opens up to you about this, know that it has taken them a lot of courage.
While you might have good intentions by trying to encourage or cheer them up, you might say some things that pass a wrong message across, making them feel worse about themselves.
So, while dealing with someone who is depressed, here are 20 things you should not say to them:
- “It could be worse”
You may be trying to make them feel better by comparing their condition to someone else’s. But the truth is, everyone’s reality is different and you may make their pain feel diminished, making them feel that their feelings are not valid.
- “I know how you feel”
Probably not. Even if you’ve gone through the same phase before, you can’t tell how a person is feeling because the symptoms are different and each person’s experience is personal.
- “Try to snap out of it”
It’s not magic, and it’s not like they can control it. Saying this makes them feel like they are choosing to feel the way they feel and they aren’t making any effort to be better.
- “It can’t be that bad”
This is you minimizing their pain or looking at what they’re going through as trivial. You don’t know exactly how they are feeling, so you don’t know how bad it can get for them.
- “It’s just sadness”
You shouldn’t tell them this because it might just look like you’re disregarding how they truly feel and calling it “sadness”.
- “It’s in your head”
Although it may be in their head, it also affects them generally as they feel it in every area of their lives. So, when you say this, they feel more isolated even in their struggles.
- “Other people are going through stuff too”
This might be an attempt to make them know that they are not alone, but it can make them feel misunderstood and also invalidate how they feel.
- “You’ll get over it”
Because of their current state, and probably how long they’ve been there, it might be difficult for them to see themselves getting through what they’re facing. So, saying this to them might make them feel more and more helpless.
- “Cheer up”
Once again, they don’t have control over how they feel and react. Depression isn’t just being sad about a particular thing. So, telling them to cheer up may look like they’re intentionally being sad.
- “Try harder”
They are probably already trying their best. So, saying this to them makes it look like they have a say in how they feel, and they are not putting in effort.
- “Why are you depressed?”
Most times, they don’t know why. It might look like everything is going well with them and they have no reason to be depressed, but it isn’t exactly caused by external factors. They may have other reasons to feel the way they feel.
- “What is the problem?”
They may not even know what the problem is or how to articulate how they’re feeling. So, if they don’t tell you themselves, don’t ask.
- “Think positive”
Of course, you want them to be optimistic but don’t make them force it, as this may not be as effective as taking the healing process step by step.
- “You should be happy/grateful that….”
They may be happy with some things and grateful for others. This doesn’t guarantee that they won’t be affected by depression. So, don’t make this your emphasis.
- “Why are you so negative?”
This is a terrible thing to say because the dynamics of mental health issues can’t be explained.
- “You should go out more!”
Don’t demand that they do things as a way to help them feel better. They are already trying their best. You can offer to do something with them that they might enjoy, whether indoors or outdoors.
- “You need to do more”
When you say this, you are dismissing the efforts they are already making.
- “Don’t be so weak”
If it was by willpower, the number of depressed individuals would have reduced drastically. So, calling them weak doesn’t help.
- “Have you tried this/that? It worked for me”
The fact that something worked for you doesn’t mean it would also work for them. Allow them to seek and try out different help options because people heal in different ways.
- “You don’t look like it”
Depression is usually not visible from looking at a person. People may seem to have everything going well with them, but still feel depressed. So, don’t make them feel like they aren’t telling the truth.
How can you support a depressed person?
If you can’t seem to figure out the right things to say to them, there are other ways you can show support for someone who is depressed.
- Sometimes, you don’t have to say anything. Just actively and patiently listen, and be there for them.
- Ask them what they need to feel better
- Show and tell them how much you care for them
- Be patient with them as they walk through their healing process
- Create a safe environment for them to feel comfortable enough to express themselves
- Don’t assume what they need. Instead, ask how you can be of help to them.
It is really important that you support, encourage and follow up with them by regularly checking in.
You can do these by doing and saying the right things as they navigate through their dark days.
If you have reasons to believe that they are not getting better, ensure they see a mental health professional.
Looking for reliable and trustworthy care services?
At Centre Disability Support, we offer tailored support services for individuals with disabilities throughout Australia. We offer housing options in Logan, Ipswich and Brisbane areas, where we provide independent supported living or assist individuals in finding suitable options for individualised living.
Additionally, we provide day-to-day support for individuals with mental health issues, complex behaviour and other types of disabilities. We also have support coordinators available to assist with planning, navigating NDIS plans, and offering casework support.
Whether you’re seeking support for yourself, or a loved one, or simply wish to learn more about our services, we’re here to help.
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