Updated on August 8, 2024
When someone close to you receives a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) diagnosis, it’s normal to be confused and to have questions. Their emotions and behaviour might seem unpredictable, leaving you unsure of the best way to support them. But thankfully, you can figure out how to support them.
8 ways to support someone with BPD
1. Learn About BPD
Equip yourself with knowledge about BPD. Research and educate yourself about the symptoms and challenges they face. You’re more likely to respond constructively to challenging behaviours when you understand their underlying cause. While learning about BPD won’t magically solve all your relationship issues, it can provide valuable insight into what you’re facing and empower you to navigate difficulties more effectively. This understanding will build empathy and guide your interactions.
2. Encourage Professional Support
Both personal and group therapy have proven effective in reducing challenging symptoms associated with BPD, such as relationship conflicts and self-harming behaviours. Mental health professionals are also equipped to assess and treat existing mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. Professional Support can offer guidance and aid in scheduling appointments as necessary. Recognising the availability of professional assistance can help someone cope with BPD.
3. Remind Them of Their Positives
People with BPD often find it challenging to develop and sustain a positive self-image, particularly in the face of the disorder’s challenges and associated stigma. Supporting them involves affirming their strengths and expressing your positive regard for them. When someone you care about wrestles with self-doubt and struggles to acknowledge their own worth, offering reassurance by highlighting their positive qualities can be profoundly comforting.
4. Remember the 3c Principle
It’s common for friends or family members to feel guilt or self-blame for the erratic behaviour of someone with a borderline personality disorder. You might find yourself questioning what you did to trigger their anger, feeling as though you deserve the mistreatment, or carrying the weight of their treatment setbacks. However, it’s important to recognise that you are not responsible for their actions. People with BPD are responsible for their behaviour.
The 3 C’s are: I didn’t cause it. I can’t cure it. I can’t control it.
5. Validate Their Experience
Being Validated is one major way to support a person with BPD. Those with the condition often deal with intense emotions and a deep-seated fear of abandonment. Validation can mean different things, including active listening with empathy, expressing understanding, and reflecting on their words. When your loved one confides in you about their struggles, listen attentively and demonstrate your engagement through your body language. Validate their feelings by accepting their experiences without criticism, and reassuring them that you will always support them
6. Take Threats of Suicide and Harm Seriously
Suicidal thoughts and threats are a serious concern for people with BPD. These expressions, however frightening, shouldn’t be dismissed as manipulation. The risk of suicide is significantly higher in BPD compared to the general population. Always take any mention of suicide seriously, even if they haven’t acted on it before. Express your concern and let them know you care. Ask directly if they’re having thoughts of self-harm. also, Be prepared to act: Have local crisis hotline numbers or mental health services readily available. If necessary, don’t hesitate to seek immediate help.
7. Learn Their Triggers
Engage in open conversations with your loved one to identify potential triggers for negative thoughts and emotions. When you understand their triggers, you can work together to avoid challenging situations and feel better equipped to handle strong reactions. While triggers differ from person to person, feelings of abandonment or rejection are often common triggers for people with borderline personality disorder. Recognising and addressing these triggers is essential for minimizing BPD symptoms and episodes.
8. Take Care of Yourself
Relationships with someone with BPD can be intense and may lead to neglecting your own well-being. Prioritize a healthy lifestyle with stress management to maintain balance. While occasional imbalances are regular, chronic ones can strain relationships. Caregivers often experience high-stress levels, including anxiety and depression, as well as financial and marital strain.
Causes and Risk Factors
While the exact cause of BPD remains unknown, experts believe it’s likely a combination of genetic and environmental factors. There’s evidence suggesting that it is genetic, as the disorder seems to run in families.
Environmental factors, particularly during childhood and adolescence, can significantly increase the risk of developing BPD. Experiencing trauma, neglect, or abuse can have a profound impact on a developing mind and emotional regulation skills.
Additionally, a history of unstable or invalidated relationships, where a person’s emotions are not acknowledged or supported, can make them more susceptible to BPD later in life. It’s important to note that not everyone who experiences trauma develops BPD.
Like many mental health conditions, BPD is complex and multifaceted, influenced by a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. This means that while early experiences play a significant role, other factors also contribute to the development of the disorder.
Looking for reliable and trustworthy care services?
At Centre Disability Support, we offer tailored support services for individuals with disabilities throughout Australia. Whether you’re seeking support for yourself, a loved one, or simply wish to learn more about our services, we’re here to help.
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