Updated on August 21, 2024
Mental Illness is a general term used to describe a group of illnesses that may include symptoms that can affect a person’s thinking, perception, and mood. These illnesses affect one’s ability to work, how they deal with relationships, and the like.
Types of mental illnesses include; depression, anxiety disorders, paranoia, and obsessive-compulsive disorder to mention a few.
When dealing with a person who has a mental illness, it is possible not to know what to say, or how to deal with the situation, which is why we have curated 20 things you should not say to a person with a mental illness, to be on the safer side.
1. “Things could be worse”:
By stating this phrase, you are risking the feelings of the person with a mental illness, be it your friend or family member.
This phrase can make them feel a lot more guilty or can further confuse them much more than they are already feeling, and although the experience we have individually is valid to us, it is never a good thing to compare one’s experience to the other.
2. “It is all in your head”:
This phrase does not only play down the emotional symptoms of a mental illness, but it also ignores the physical symptoms one with a mental illness may be going through.
And technically, mental illnesses are in the head, but by no means should a person with a mental illness, hear these words, as they can be triggering and hurtful.
3. “Are you OK?”:
Questions like this, often make your loved ones, withdraw or feel under pressure to feel better immediately, which is almost impossible in the case of mental illness. They may also feel pressured to tell you they are fine when in most cases, they are not.
4. “You can do better”
This is an inconsiderate statement to make to someone who is suffering from a mental illness. It ignores the effort the person may be putting in to feel better and dismisses the person’s struggles in the long run.
5. “Just be positive”:
As easy as this may sound, it is not that simple. It is unrealistic to suggest that by becoming more positive, a person’s mental illness can/will disappear. Positivity is key, but many times, it is never enough.
6. “You always seem so happy!”:
Because a person has a great life, does not mean, he/she has it all. People find it difficult to communicate about their mental illness, as it can be used against them in the near future.
Hiding under the mask of being happy and bubbly, is their way of being at peace. So just because they are laughing at your jokes, doesn’t mean they aren’t battling a mental illness.
7. “This too will pass”:
Oftentimes, it won’t pass, and time will not make things better. Many mentally ill persons just want you to show them affection, rather than using the wrong words to shove them away.
8. “Have you tried chamomile tea?”:
Recommending herbal teas may be one step in the wrong direction for a person suffering from mental illness. Although it is a well-meaning solution many of us have tried to proffer, the fact remains that, no amount of herbal substance is going to help.
9. “Snap out of it!”:
Telling a mentally ill person to snap out of it, sends a damaging message to them. It also shows that you lack empathy and should not be around such people. They did not manufacture their situation themselves, and if they could, they would have “snapped out of it” even before you came along.
10. “Stop whining”:
This is not something to say to someone who is mentally ill. They may be trying to express themselves or be trying to make you see a point, and you mentioning to them, to stop whining can make them uncomfortable, making them withdraw from you.
11. I know others who have this same sickness as you:
Comments like this make your loved ones or friends with mental illnesses compare themselves and harm themselves just to find a cure. Because you may have made references to other friends you know that have overcome the illness.
This new comparison can confuse them as to whether their illness is valid or not, rather than make them feel optimistic about their betterment journey.
12. It is just mood swings/OCD; It is normal”:
Constantly talking down on people with mental illnesses isn’t ideal. Yes, at certain times in our lives, we may have experienced one or two mood swings and all, but a mentally ill person needs more attention and delicate treatment. It is not normal.
13. It is all part of God’s Plan:
While everyone has their own beliefs, the mentally ill person may not share your own beliefs, and that may make this comment harmful to them.
They may be dealing with different emotions as regards their spiritual life, thinking this is a punishment from God about their past and so on. And as they may be struggling with their faith, this can further push them away.
14. “Attempting suicide is selfish of you”:
Rushing to blame the mentally ill patient is never a smart move in a situation like this. Remember this is not about you. A mentally ill person is in pain and wants their pain to stop. They would have weighed their options and felt this was the best to go for, rather than talk to anyone about it.
15. You do not need medications:
Saying that a mentally ill person does not need medication is simply ignorance at its peak. These medications are the things that help them do anything in the first place, so suggesting that they do not need them isn’t ideal.
16. You need to soften up:
A mentally ill person is already battling different types of emotions, and they are mostly confused as to the next step to take as regards their sanity. Asking them to soften up, and act like everything is okay, isn’t very considerate.
17. I know how you feel:
Let us take, for example, depression as a mental illness. Yes, you may have had depression and you got past that stage, but meeting someone in that stage does not mean that you know exactly how the other person is feeling.
We process our emotions differently. So please cut them some slack by minding your words.
18. It is just a phase:
There is no reason why you should say this to a mentally ill person. They are very uncomfortable and going through a surge of emotions and the least you can do for them is hold them close and make them comfortable with you.
19. “I am busy”:
Constantly ignoring a mental illness is quite detrimental in the long run. Because they will take that as a cue to stay away and might interpret it as them bothering you. Rather, be willing and open to learn about their emotions.
20. “You are only concerned with yourself”:
A mentally ill person would appear to be concerned about themselves, but in actual reality, they are maybe trying to figure out, how to make their friends and family feel good, especially when they are around them.
Comments like this disregard their efforts and make them feel awful.
Positive Things To Say To A Person With A Mental Illness
1. “You don’t have to apologize.”
2. “You are worthy and deserving.”
3. “You are not alone.”
4. “I am here for you.”
5. “Let me know what you need.”
6. “We would take it, one step at a time.”
7. “Let us do something fun.”
8. “How can I help?”
9. “I am glad you felt comfortable sharing this with me.”
10. “I am here to listen.”
Conclusion
It is important to note that people with mental illnesses are fighting battles every day, from their emotions to physical appearance and social engagement.
It is also important to understand that, despite their withdrawal from their friends and families, they are trying to heal themselves, so that they can close that gap that has been created. The least you can do for them is be kind, respectful, and present in their lives.
If you or your loved one is battling with mental illness, seeking professional help might be the best thing you can do to help yourself or the person.
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